David K Roberts – self-published author sci-fi thriller horror novels

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Apocalypse Event Of The Year

ApocalypZe 6 Hour Charity Extreme Horror Survival Event charity event

If You Think You’re ‘Ard Enough 🙂

Coming up on the 10th October, 2015, the Apocalypse event of the year – the ApocalypZe 6 Hour Charity Extreme Horror Survival Event.

ApocalypZe 6 Hour Charity Extreme Horror Survival Event charity eventSo What’s This Apocalypse Event About?

It’s about charirty! It’s “ApocalypZe Breaking” and is a cross between “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here” and “HOSTEL”.

Its intent is to raise funds for these three fantastic charities:
MacMillan Cancer Support
Cash for Kids
Millie’s Trust

It will take place at A Haunted Mill, Stockport, Manchester.

To quote the organisers, they have a plethora of horrendous tasks and trials that will be filmed and broadcast to our Facebook page in almost real time which the participants will have to complete.

Viewers will be able to cast a vote online to SAVE their favorite participant from carrying out the horror filled tasks and trials. Donations will also be able to be made via the links on the Facebook page and website. On top of that the largest donation made will give the donor the chance to choose any participant and select them to do something really really nasty from our task / trial list. I can’t help thinking I’ll be having a go at this!

For more information go to Facebook or the event website. I’m sure you’ll have fun with this!!

Maidenhead Zombie Walk

maidenhead Zombie Walk Image

Maidenhead Zombie Walk 2015Once again the Maidenhead Zombie Walk us coming up. It’s a yearly event in which zombies descend upon Maidenhead high street around Halloween! There’s an after party & loads of family fun!

maidenhead Zombie Walk ImageThe next event takes part on Saturday the 31st October 2015. We leave from The Bell pub and end up at Maidenhead Town Hall! The times and further details will be posted as soon as they become available – be sure to save, sorry, grave the date!

Kill Zombie!

kill zombie

A worthy sentiment, but on reflection, the name of this film, Kill Zombie!, is a little like that Ronseal ad, ‘it does what it says on the side of the can’. Kill Zombie! – I’m not going to tell you what this film is all about, I’ll keep you in suspense. It’s original title is Zombibi!

kill zombieA film from the Netherlands, I’d say it’s one of the better recent zombie films (2012), although the zombies in this case spew green blood – infected by the ISS crashing out of orbit and landing on Amsterdam. You want a good Z film to watch Kate? This is it, peppered with light-heartedness, it’s fun to watch although I’d say it takes some liberties with the Zombie genre. I particularly rated the attitude of the TV announcer – his antics would increase ratings if only there was someone to watch it in the ZA.

The Plot to Kill Zombies:

Aziz, a lowly office worker is put upon by his boss, the situation being made worse by the office bike (is that PC? Perhaps I should call her by her given name, Tess) who appears to fancy him – much to the boss’s annoyance. That, and his annoying brother, causes Aziz to be fired.

He goes home to his brother, who is the ultimate party guy whose opinion of himself is only marginally smaller than the ISS fireball that hits the same office building Aziz worked in – imagine a Dutch/Moroccan Del boy. Spending the night in a police cell (watch it to find out why) Aziz is released and finds 15 messages on his phone from the lovely Tess beseeching him to rescue her – she is trapped in the office building. Little does he know she has called every bloke on the office she has slept with and so one at a time the small army endeavours to rescue her.

Not quite what I was expecting in a zombie film, it is reasonably well put together and entertaining, some good ‘acting’ from more than a few of the cast. The best line in it is uttered by a Russian specialist sent to diffuse the situation. In a thick Russian accent he explains to Aziz and his brother how to set up Semtex to blow up the Space Station remains – it is still attracting zombies.
“It is easy,” he says. “If it was any simpler they would have sent American to do job.”

I couldn’t help but laugh once I’d deciphered what he said. Don’t worry, my dear American readers, my sentiments don’t run like that but it caught me by surprise!
There is a strange vampiric twist at the end but overall I would give it 4 zombie heads out of 5. After all, I did watch it all the way to the end! And that in itself is rare.

Check out my zombie books.

Walker Stalker Cruise?

walker stalker cruise the walking dead stars norman reedus

Imagine you’re on the holiday of a lifetime. You’re lounging by the pool on a cruise ship in the Med, the Caribbean, or wherever. You’re just sipping a freshly prepared piña colada, margarita, martini, or simply a cold beer. You close your eyes to relax. After a moment a shadow falls over you. You sit up in irritation – someone’s blocking your sun. You stare in horror at the apparition in front of you and then remember you’re on a Walker Stalker Cruise!

walker stalker cruise the walking dead stars norman reedusAs it turns out you’re in the Bahamas because this is a 3-day themed walker stalker cruise in January 2016 – clearly it does what it says on the side of the tin. You get to be trapped on a ship bedecked (see what I did there) with zombies and zombie blood. Hopefully the zombies remain just actors because I think this has the potential for a true story – you know, one of those afternoon B-rated films (which are ironically often better than the A-listers because they have what seems to be elusive these days – a storyline).

norwegian pearl cruise ship walker stalker cruiseImagine being out at sea, no land in sight, the sun shimmering off a flat, becalmed sea and all you can hear around you is groaning of the dead. You can’t leave the covered-over life boat because there’s nowhere to go that isn’t infested with the walking dead. You have limited rations aboard and you’re hoping the flare you will fire at night will attract the attention of a rescue ship that will, inevitably, sail into the grip of the infestation.

Well, this trip isn’t like that. And best of all it appears that there will be your favourite star on board from, you guessed it – TWD. I believe Norman Reedus will be there in person, but don’t take my word for it.

Start saving your pennies, cents, euros, dinars, and sheckles folks. This could be fun!

Check out my books here.

Undead – A Film Review

Was the Australian film, ‘Undead’, worth the £1.95 I spend on its purchase? Well and truly. I believe this has the potential of becoming a cult film if it isn’t already in some circles. It has all the right content, particularly the strange, slightly barking hero (played by Mungo McKay) and the hot, kick-ass female heroine (Felicity Mason) whose claim to fame is having won the ‘Catch Of The Year’ beauty pageant in her small home fishing town of Berkeley, somewhere along the Queensland coast.

Undead a cult Aussie film zombies aliens
Undead – well worth watching this Aussie film!

It may be that because I hail from the Antipodean side of the world allowing my bias slip to show, but I reckon Australia makes 2 kinds of film, 1. excellent and 2. quirky. Perhaps it’s because being so far away from other influences they have the room to think outside the regular Hollywood box. In a way they are a little like the French; they, too, bring us films that often don’t go according to the usual plan. Of course, the Australians produce superior wines.

If you go to Amazon and read the reviews of ‘Undead’ then they are very mixed. There are a number of 5 star ones, while at least one of the 1 stars suggests the 5 star reviews are a fix by the film production company. They couldn’t be more wrong and it just goes to show that either their brains are wired incorrectly or they hadn’t had enough to drink before viewing.

So what’s the story of Undead?

Well, having said what I have above, I am just a little confused as to the overall plot of ‘Undead’. I think it goes like this:

The heroine, René Chaplin, is leaving town as her parents have died leaving her home farm up to its proverbial eyeballs in debt; naturally the bank takes it away and so she decides to leave the place she has always called home. Hitching a ride driven by a sleaze-ball with his own agenda, they head out in his old Volvo. A meteorite storm overtakes them and mayhem ensues. Every person that is hit becomes a zombie (in spite of the fact that the afore-said meteorite put a fist sized hole in their torsos). After some of this undead mayhem, it rains an acidic liquid that can be quenched by normal water.

Holing up in the town weirdo’s place they are joined by a few more survivors and together they do their best against the salivating horde comprised of their once-upon-a-time neighbours. Marion, the allegedly mad recluse, tells of how he was attacked by zombie fish and taken by aliens – I can’t see why no-one believed him. He takes then into the basement and then to a lower level hideaway that looks decidedly like a nuclear bunker (don’t ask).

Through various escapades they make it out of the house but their progress is stopped by a VERY high wall erected around the town. I won’t tell any more of the story (you really need to see it to get the best from this little gem) other than to say that aliens appear and ‘fix’ the townsfolk. There’s a light aircraft scene that any sci-fi film would be proud of. The final scene is in a hospital where Marion utters these immortal words by way of explaining his predicament:

“One day you’re out on your boat, you get attacked by zombie fish; they munch at your face like you’re the main course of an all-you-can-eat-crazy-boy-buffet. You walk away, tell the town your story – they think you’re mad.”

It doesn’t end there (although Marion does, at least the breathing version).

All in all it was entertaining. I have tried to watch a number of off-the-beaten-track zombie or undead films recently and most are truly painful to watch. This one is genuinely worth the effort – and at this price is definitely money well spent. Five Stars from me!
Books by the Author – available worldwide on all good eBook stores:
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle (first in trilogy)
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle – Z Factor (second in trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle (first in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Cabin Fever (second in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Dez Rez (third in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle Trilogy – three books in one
The Animus Portal
Fierce Alchemy

The Real Return Of A King

I’ve been watching the proceedings of today’s celebration of a king much disputed, all the more because his place of rest was so disputed and frankly unknown. Through a significant amount of clever detective work his remains were unearthed and so we witnessed the real Return Of A King.

In the car park where his remains were found was the letter ‘R’, designating a reserved parking bay. Directly under this ‘R’ was the remains of the king, named Richard. Was nature or the gods trying to tell us something all along? On top of this the stones from the Greyfriars Church in which he was buried were removed during the Reformation and used to build the current St Martin’s Church – cathedral actually – where he is now lying in state until Thursday. It’s strange how things come together for the Return Of A King.

The Real Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle - Extra Terrestrials?
The Real Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle – Are We Human?

Why is this important to me? Apart from several of my relatives being of the Ricardian persuasion, the discovery of his bones prompted me to begin writing a trilogy, Return Of A King, that stretched thousands of years into the past, through the turbulent early post-Roman days of Britain, right up to the modern day period where lack of superstition or respect for the dead led to the ultimate overthrow of the species Homo sapiens, assuming that’s what we really are. I have completed two of the three required novels, the third will follow soon.

The whole idea of unearthing mortal remains to me is not so much sacrilegious because that’s down to personal beliefs, but certainly undignified for the deceased. Having laid there for well over five centuries, his tissues mingling with the local earth, it’s interesting to speculate as to whether or not he was spiritually comfortable in place, even if the living regarded his resting place as ignominious?

To be fair to the archaeologists, today they and the church have gone a long way towards making good their unearthing of his remains; giving a king the long due respect of a stately funeral and burial is almost certainly a good thing – maybe the ghost/soul/spirit/essence of King Richard will see the positive side of the whole proceedings.

It is interesting to contemplate what would have happened if Richard had succeeded in defeating Henry Tudor at Bosworth Field:
Henry VIII would not have existed, certainly not as the king he was, creating a schism in the Church dividing Catholics by creating the Church of England. There would not have been a Church of England, certainly not in that form; people would have remained Catholic for a continuing period. As a result there would not have been the splinter groups that arose from that break from Rome. Consequently there would not have been the Act of Uniformity in 1559 leading to the Pilgrims fleeing England from Plymouth in 1620.

Extrapolating from there is probably pointless as it would be fictional with too many suppositions to be credible. The one thing we can be sure of is that the world would not look as it does today. Would that be a good thing? Or would we end up with a completely different set of problems? Would Catholicism be dominant? Would Islam be nothing more than a regional religion? Catholicism is a strong religion, so it’s not unreasonable to assume it could well have a strong grip on our world today.
And all if Richard III had been the victor.

What’s your take on it?
Books by the Author – available worldwide on all good eBook stores:
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle (first in trilogy)
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle – Z Factor (second in trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle (first in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Cabin Fever (second in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Dez Rez (third in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle Trilogy – three books in one
The Animus Portal
Fierce Alchemy

Australian Greyhounds – A Message To The Australian Government

Charlie my Greyhound pleading with the Australian Government
Charlie my Greyhound pleading with the Australian Government not to let his relatives die in this way

I have now owned three greyhounds, all ex-racers, as pets. What wonderful creatures they are; they walk well, they interact with children and adults beautifully, all they need is a bit of TLC and they are happy. So what the hell is going on? Australian greyhounds are being abused horribly by low-life, scum-sucking bastards in South America and Asia. And you, the Australian Government, are the only thing that can possibly intervene to protect them. Please do so, my current dog is Australian and his relatives are being murdered in the most appalling ways. Here is a picture of him pleading with you.

I’m Australian and proud of it. It isn’t about being Australian, blaming one country or another. It is clear that the greyhound racing scene has been invaded by heartless creatures – greyhound trainers and owners of a certain type. They lack any emotion when it comes to our furry earthly inhabitants. In their lust for money they have captured small furry wild animals, tied them to the race track and made greyhounds chase them until they are caught in a bloody frenzy in order to increase the poor dog’s appetite for chasing the bait. That’s one reason why I’d like to break certain people’s kneecaps with a bat.

Charlie Greyhound contemplating the suffering of his relatives
Charlie Greyhound contemplating the suffering of his relatives

The second reason is that they are illegally exporting greyhounds from Australia to other countries and feeding them on everything from cocaine to Viagra and arsenic to make them aggressive enough to race to the death, killing any other dog that gets in the way. Advocates of greyhounds trying to stop this barbaric practice are being threatened and cajoled by these criminals to keep quite but a recent report has finally emerged that the practice is still flourishing.

Charlie Greyhound getting angry
Charlie Greyhound getting angry

I have a black greyhound. He is a beautiful example of a dog that has raced and then retired and looked after by softies like me. Greyhounds are probably one of the most placid and obliging dogs you can get; as racers they learn to put up with a lot of abuse and ‘strict training’ and perhaps this is reflected in their docile nature when retired. In the UK some ten thousand retire every year, while the numbers for re-homing are depressing small relative to this figure. While we have unearthed the disgusting execution practices of a certain farmer in Yorkshire over ex-racers, it seems they’re the lucky ones – apparently three quarters of all greyhound pups born are destroyed because they don’t make the racing grade.

Oskar the greyhound wondering why life is so unnecessarily cruel
Oskar the greyhound wondering why life is so unnecessarily cruel

This ‘sport’ is full of death but to hear what is happening because the Australian Government seems powerless to intervene and make arrests, it just makes me sick. Forget bringing back the death penalty, an eye-for-an-eye practice might work better. Feed these wonderful trainers the same drugs and poisons and make them fight each other to the death. Let’s face it, anyone who is willing to bet on such disgraceful dog races will almost certainly be willing to bet on the outcome of human drug-raddled fights. Now there’s a thing I won’t object to – I’ll be on the side lines, cheering as the bastards that perpetrate this sort of scum-suckery get what’s owed them!

koala bears - the only species worth protecting?
koala bears – the only species worth protecting?

There, I’ve said it now. My message to the Australian Government – please please please stop this practice, now. I couldn’t bring myself to post images of this terrible crime – I’m sure you can all imagine; at least you can enjoy those of my lovely boys!

Australian flag - should protect greyhounds as well
Australian flag – should protect greyhounds as well

Leonard Nimoy – Rest In Peace

Part of my brain thinks ‘what a tragedy’, while the rational part of me knows that 83 is a damn good age to reach, and with all he’s done in his extraordinary life he probably couldn’t have achieved much more. ‘Live Long And Prosper’ has been a good motto for both Leonard Nimoy and Mr Spock.

Zombies Of The Stratosphere - Leonard Nimoy
Zombies Of The Stratosphere – Leonard Nimoy

Of course Leonard Nimoy was not just Mr Spock; from what I can tell his first televised role was on what may be the first ever reality show in 1951 called Queen For A Day – the contestants would compete for an opportunity to pour their hearts out on TV to explain why they should be queen for a day. Weird but hauntingly familiar, I’d say.
Leonard Nimoy has also been in a zombie film; in 1952 ‘Zombies of The Stratosphere’ was released. It told the story of aliens, including Leonard Nimoy as Narab, a zombie alien, intent on H-bombing us out of orbit to be replaced by Mars.

A large number of people will remember Leonard Nimoy for his voice, that gravelly, precise diction is as unmistakable as that of Morgan Freeman or Richard Burton. He was the voice in a number of performances such as ‘Sinbad: Beyond The Veil Of Mists’, and ‘Atlantis: The Lost Empire’.

One thing I have always admired about the sci-fi performers of the ‘60s is their obvious ability not to take themselves too seriously. Unlike modern actors who largely seem to be all about the ‘hard stare’ these folks knew the programmes they made were supposed to be a bit of fun and great entertainment and their characters shone out from the screen like beacons. Leonard Nimoy was no exception. He played an unattributed part as a chauffeur in a Bangles video, and most of us have seen the episode in The Big Bang when Mt Spock played with the quirky psyche of Sheldon Cooper.

Leonard Nimoy tweet
Leonard Nimoy tweet

Leonard Nimoy’s departure from this planet, for me at least, is up there with John Lennon’s demise, albeit for entirely different reasons. He is a man I would have loved to have met. His last Tweet said it all – #LLAP.

Books by the Author – available worldwide on all good eBook stores:

Sci-Fi

The Animus Portal
Fierce Alchemy

Horror – Zombies

The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle (first in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Cabin Fever (second in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Dez Rez (third in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle Trilogy – three books in one
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle (first in trilogy)
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle – Z Factor (second in trilogy)

Return Of A King – A Tenuous Link

Maybe I’ve finally seen everything now. The latest Daily Mail article on Richard III’s remains being discovered is all about an escort agency cashing in on the re-interment of the King’s remains. Is this a waste of electrons bouncing around your computer screen? Is this tenuous link just another cheap trick by the DM to fill its pages with dubious content? To be fair to the DM it is being run in many other local and national papers so maybe they are all being tarred with the same brush in this instance.
Apparently an escort agency, who I will refrain from naming here, has decided it is a good idea if you attend the re-interment of the noble remains arm in arm with an ‘educated and beautiful’ escort. While it might make the televising of this event more interesting, it is an example of an innovative approach to marketing. In today’s difficult world of trying to stand out from the crowd to sell your product, particularly if you are in an over-crowded sector, this seems to have been an inspired piece of work. They are now getting more coverage than they could ever afford to pay for normally, and for free! Kudos to their management for this achievement.

Return Of A King – My turn.

On that note of praise I would like to try the same ploy and see if I can get the Daily Mail to take up my story.

Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle - Extra Terrestrials?
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle – Extra Terrestrials?

Why not load your Kindle or iPad/iPhone up with Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle? After all, it would be good to attend the ceremony with something intelligent and attractive (the cover is colourful) in your pocket – something completely legal to do during those less interesting bits of the service. And there’s no way you can be arrested for it. Anyway, while you’re contemplating the Royal remains as they are sealed into their final resting place, you can rest assured that if his discovery was the cause of the zombie apocalypse, forewarned is forearmed.

Books by the Author – available worldwide on all good eBook stores:

 
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle (first in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Cabin Fever (second in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Dez Rez (third in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle Trilogy – three books in one
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle (first in trilogy)
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle – Z Factor (second in trilogy)
The Animus Portal
Fierce Alchemy

Teleport – A Equals B?

I have touched on this subject before, but considering our technological advancement will cause us one day to produce something not entirely unlike Star Trek’s teleport technology I think this subject needs to be understood before putting a sentient being through this process.

We all know about teleportation, right? We stand in teleport chamber A and get beamed through space (and time?) to the destination teleport B. Fabulous concept, reduce those pesky carbon footprints in the blink of an eye. Looking more closely, what is actually happening?

Recently German scientists revealed a ‘teleport’ they have nicknamed ‘Spock’ – for obvious reasons. It destructively analyses an object in the origin chamber, and reconstruct it in a receiving chamber, in this case a 3-D printer. Although it doesn’t have much in the way of real world application, it is a pretty graphic description of what would happen to a human body that undergoes the eventual journey. Destructively analysed (don’t let the swirling, pretty blue stars you see on Star Trek fool you), the information is collected by a computer, beamed to the destination where the body is faithfully reconstructed. Or is it?

For those of us who have a religious inclination or even a healthy respect for our ‘id’, this process might not be quite as simple as we think. Whatever it is that makes us tick, be it pure biology, physics, a soul/spirit/divine spark, the question is whether this ‘essence’ for want of a better word, takes the journey with us through the teleport. At the other end we appear miraculously intact, but maybe we don’t.

Consider this About The Teleport

To Teleport Or Not To Teleport
To Teleport Or Not To Teleport – Can you Spot The Difference?

What if, for the first time our body undertakes the deconstruction/reconstruction process, we lose that ‘essence’ that makes us what we are. No-one recognises this fact and they continue to transport people in ever-increasing numbers as the technology becomes available to the masses; at the other end the person feels perfectly normal and senses nothing out of the ordinary, having just come into being moments before armed with all the memories and feelings of the original.

If this is the case then the population is being denuded of the human ‘essence’, becoming simply a cog in a machine that doesn’t recognise itself for what it has become.

The process of deconstruction for teleportation converts everything we are to mere atoms and data – the stuff of everything. How could our ‘essence’ identify with a specific set of atoms, our deconstructed selves, and follow us to our destination? After all, atoms are just atoms; one carbon atom is exactly the same as another carbon atom at least as far as we can see. They can be arranged to form other substances such as diamonds, graphite, or graphene, but the atoms are the same.

There is another possibility, of course. And that’s simply that we have always been machines and no matter how sophisticated and spiritual we think ourselves to be, we are just a walking computer so advanced that we cannot or do not recognise ourselves for the robots we are. We are discovering more and more about the make-up of everything from the God Particle and beyond, so perhaps biologists are looking in the wrong place to find out how we work. Perhaps the millions of neurons they see in our brains and attempt to comprehend just manage the macro functions. What if we use sub-atomic structures to store data and perform complex brain functions? That might just begin to allow us make sense of why we see ourselves as having that ‘je ne sais quoi’ that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. Are we really that special? Is really a divine plan or are we simply subject to physics? I’m not about to expound on that particular subject.

Next time you watch Star Trek and see people entering the teleport, don’t bother shouting at the screen, it’s already too late.

Books by the Author – available worldwide on all good eBook stores:

Sci-Fi

The Animus Portal
Fierce Alchemy

Horror – Zombies

The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle (first in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Cabin Fever (second in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Dez Rez (third in Trilogy)
The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle Trilogy – three books in one
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle (first in trilogy)
Return Of A King: A Zombie Chronicle – Z Factor (second in trilogy)

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